The biggest chancers in dance music history

Guetta goes on at 3:45 a.m. At 4:30, his wife and business partner, Cathy, delights the crowd by passing out rainbow light sticks and cherry-flavored freeze-pops. At 5:05, three guys in eight-foot-tall robot suits march out to perform a choreo­graphed dance routine with laser guns that also shoot fire. At 6:30, Guetta leads a champagne toast while his new single “Without You,” featuring Usher, booms in the background. (He’ll play it twice tonight.) Paris Hilton materializes wearing a Fuck Me I’m Famous trucker cap, raving about how Guetta is a genius. Finally, around 8, Guetta doffs his headphones, raises his arms in victory and heads out the door to his waiting Land Rover.



The next afternoon, he’s on the patio, his white-stucco villa tucked into the island’s foothills. The backyard is dotted with palm trees and carved-stone Buddha heads, and the swimming pool is shaped like a giant crucifix. It’s the kind of place that could only belong to a rock star or a Bond villain.



From a sliding glass door, through white curtains fluttering in the breeze, comes Bruno, Guetta’s elegant man­servant. The two exchange a few words in French, and Bruno re-emerges a few minutes later with salads. After that, it’s honeydew and sliced pears, followed by two of the biggest pieces of calamari known to man. “I eat, like, super-healthy,” Guetta says. “I hope that’s OK.” He doesn’t smoke or do drugs, and only rarely drinks, though he does cop to a weakness for jamón ibérico. “It’s the best ham in the world.”