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Post by christian on Jan 17, 2020 14:31:24 GMT
Christian, do you think your problems were as a result of your clubbing excesses? my dad died suddenly when i was 15 and instead of seeking professional help i just masked a lot of the pain by clubbing most weekends. Moved on to university which increased it even more and then carried on until only a couple of years ago. used to smoke a lot of weed and booze quite a bit all just to mask the true pain that was never adressed.. The breakdown was inevitable and really dont know how my wife put up with some of my antics. taken two years to rebuild myself into a lot better person, but was in a really dark place for a year. |
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Post by millsy on Jan 17, 2020 14:38:17 GMT
Well done Christian.
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Post by wrongun on Jan 17, 2020 14:49:19 GMT
Bloody hell Christian, sounds dark. Glad to hear you've got yourself in a positive place
How many years were you caning it out of interest?
And well done to Dan - a very pertinent topic for what is essentially a bunch of middle aged men who have dabbled a fair bit recreationally
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Post by Fabi Paras on Jan 17, 2020 15:03:38 GMT
And well done to Dan - a very pertinent topic for what is essentially a bunch of middle aged men who have dabbled a fair bit recreationally I'm never going to preach that "drugs are bad, mmmk". How you use drugs is a different matter though. I cannot begin to understand how Christian felt losing his father at such a pivotal age and in that sense I have been fortunate. However, and its a big however, Christian, would you life have been better or worse without your clubbing experiences? I dont want to take away anything from your personal loss but would the feeling of loss still been there regardless of the masking? i.e. it was a "short term" cure rather than a solution to your ills? Christian, please dont take my questioning the wrong way. It's more my own minds way of understanding a particular issue. Back on my own friends issue; apparently he had organised all his finances and got all these in order so there was no financial residual issues for his family to contend to before leaving the family home and driving off to meet his maker. Not sure it makes it any easier to process but.... |
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Post by christian on Jan 17, 2020 15:04:21 GMT
about 25 years. in the early years it was most weekends and then calmed down the older i got and kids come along etc
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Post by Fabi Paras on Jan 17, 2020 15:08:44 GMT
Did you manage to function normally Monday through Friday? I say this as I'm touching 29 years this year, but having the same progression. However, I've very rarely (I can count on the fingers of one hand) the amount of time I've called out as a result of overdoing it.
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Post by homegrove on Jan 17, 2020 15:16:20 GMT
Kudos to your wife to sticking with you through that. Seems like a given, but in reality is anything but. Not speaking of experience, all my bad spells have been when I was single.
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Post by wrongun on Jan 17, 2020 15:17:17 GMT
Sorry Dan. Perhaps I worded it wrong.
Definitely not in the 'drugs are bad' brigade. Would be a massive fucking hypocrite if I was - and for me personally, feel like my life has been 'richer', more fun etc
Was inferring that as most of us all middle aged (over 40 is middle aged Ed before you start crying), then we're all going to find this relevant
And I can imagine we're all interested to hear whether our recreational habits have had/will have any effects on our mental wellbeing
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Post by Fabi Paras on Jan 17, 2020 15:23:17 GMT
It wasn't taken that way. I wouldn't have had the life I had had I not got involved. Maybe I would have made it as a professional footballer, but by the time I started going out it had probably passed me by anyway? I wouldn't have met either of my wives. I may have had a more successful career, but I would have been a(n ever more boring fucker) as a result!
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Post by christian on Jan 17, 2020 15:53:51 GMT
oh god I do not take it the wrong way at all and am really open about it now as have learnt that bottling up is not a positive place and been the root cause of my problems. Also if any of my experiences can help with anyone else in a similar situation, then sharing can only be really positive
Some of the best times of my life have been through clubbing and had some amazing times and met some amazing friends. I would not change any of the times that I had. However in reflection I would change how i was using the escapism on a frequent basis rather than addressing some significant pain in my life. I was subconsciously blaming myself for my dad’s death and was stuck in the grieving process for over 25 years. This caused me to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression and with a pretty bad inferiority complex that manifested itself over the years. It has been really hard to bounce back as I had to unpick 25 years of all of this manifesting itself however I feel like a completely different person now and so much better for it.
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Post by christian on Jan 17, 2020 15:57:15 GMT
Did you manage to function normally Monday through Friday? I say this as I'm touching 29 years this year, but having the same progression. However, I've very rarely (I can count on the fingers of one hand) the amount of time I've called out as a result of overdoing it. yep completely functional throughout the week and could hide it from people quite easily. I have quite a stressful job and would use that also as an excuse to let loose |
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Post by Fabi Paras on Jan 17, 2020 16:02:08 GMT
So, would you feel comfortable with having a rager if your favourite DJs was in town or one of your mates was having a bash?
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Post by christian on Jan 17, 2020 16:08:57 GMT
nope not at all. I have completely retired from all activities. I do not want to go back to that way of thinking and I think if I ever just got a taster it could also bring everything flooding back. also I have spent a fortune getting myself into a good position and been through some really dark days that I would never want to repeat. Not going to ruin that just for one weekend out.I sometimes get the fear after a heavy night on the booze
also dont think the wife would be too impressed
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Post by Fabi Paras on Jan 17, 2020 16:41:35 GMT
Yet you'll happily have a drink? Sorry for what might seem a flippant comment, but what is the difference other than one is legal?
Again, we're talking not fighting and it is more trying to understand etc.
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Post by homegrove on Jan 17, 2020 16:45:07 GMT
I'm also intriqued. I've only ever done pot and have found beer to be an excellent companion to clubbing for half my life.
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